Chris and I haven’t seen each other for a few weeks because our schedules have both been really erratic and intense. We have been texting, but texting with him is very laid-back. I don’t feel anxious if we haven’t texted for a few days. I think I’m in a state of mind where I’m both comfortable with the possibility of becoming more serious while also open to seeing other people if I met someone. This isn’t to say that I’m sleeping around or going on a lot of dates and juggling multiple guys. Rather, I’m simply open to the possibility.

However, the other day, I got the feeling that Chris was perhaps ashamed of me. We had made plans to see a movie and he cancelled because it was poor timing and his friends had invited him out to something. Maybe I was in a bad mood prior to this, but I definitely felt like he could have invited me (since we did make plans and all) but that he didn’t want his friends to see me. This sounds absurd, I know, and it’s more reasonable that he cancelled with me because my schedule would have made us meeting too inconvenient for myself. We texted a little, but my sour mood made me curt and uninterested in talking to him.

This bad mood quickly lifted, however, when I realized what was happening. I was being brief and distant in talking with him, and as a result, he was putting in more effort to talk to me. I was unintentionally following The Rules and it was, unfortunately, working perfectly. Then today he messages me “MAKE ROOM IN YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE TO HANG OUT WITH ME!!!” which, knowing how Chris tends to be more reserved in his texting style, reeked of desperation. I burst out laughing, but remained fairly distant.

In turn, he invited me to a movie, a swapmeet, a banquet, and an after party with his friends.

Cue the uncontrollable laughter.

Chris and I had what The Rules would probably consider to be the worst discussion you can possibly have. We asked each other what we like and dislike about one another. The dislikes are the only important part of the conversation.

I told him I dislike that he sets up barriers for himself and makes arbitrary rules to follow that only serve to hold him back.

He said that he dislikes that I don’t have a more active lifestyle, i.e., that I’m not fit. He proceeded to say that my personality is amazing and that I shouldn’t change myself for anyone, but that (I forgot how he put it so I’m rearticulating it) I have so much potential, physically, and it feels like I’m wasting it or haven’t realized it.

Before you start to hate him, he didn’t phrase it as roughly as I did. We were both being brutally honest and he even said that it was pretty vain of him to say. It was good that he brought it up, because I got to talk to him about my body issues.

When I first started The Rules, I believed that I could force some silly nonsense into my head and magically, I’d love myself. I’d exercise and dress well because a book told me to and, in turn, those ideas got drilled into my brain. I thought I’d undergo some magical transformation and become beautiful and thin and perfect.

But that didn’t happen.

Because self-acceptance transcends words in a book. It’s a journey, not a destination. You first have to undo all of the self-hate you created for yourself. Then you have to accept yourself in your entirety, flaws and all. Then you begin the path towards loving yourself. And, once you love yourself, you don’t want to treat yourself poorly. You want the best for your body and you treat it like a friend. You exercise, quit smoking, eat healthier, drink more water, etc. because you love your body and want it to be the best it can be. But that’s a really long journey.

Chris has caught me in between accepting myself and starting the path towards loving myself, which is really kind of a perfect time. On one hand, I need to be alone and learn to accept myself but, on the other, I also need external support for when I fall down. I’m not saying Chris will be this support, but it’s much better than meeting me in any other part of the journey. I’m in a transformative phase and the potential for growth is exponential, but foundations must be laid now while I’m still that ugly duckling to know that people chose to be my friends for more than just my looks.

It’s like this: An unknown musician has a best friend. The musician works hard and the best friend says, you can do it, you’ve got it in you. The musician, eventually, becomes wildly famous. He turns to his best friend and knows that their relationship is genuine and lasting because it was created before status, when both were simply human beings.

So, as you all know, I’ve been going against The Rules lately. This doesn’t mean doing the opposite of every rule, but just doing what I feel comfortable with and not relying on what The Rules say.

I met a guy (Chris) who, at first, I didn’t really expect anything from. When we first met, he wasn’t even on my radar. But after talking one-on-one, I was amazed to see what I had found. We began talking more regularly and, as I posted before, we kissed.

After that, we talked about what it meant and our intentions. This strongly goes against The Rules which state that you’re never supposed to ask a guy “what are we?” or other definitive questions. But I wanted to ask, because we work together, and I wanted to know if this was something worth getting out to others or if it was just a casual thing not worth mentioning. We figured out that we’re both just comfortable seeing where things take us.

We hooked up a few times. The first time was full of laughter and personality (which I thought was crazy awesome). Usually, people view sex as an act. You get into that bedroom and suddenly you’re just your body, not your personality. Then, after you’ve put your clothes back on, you can also turn your personality back on. I hated that. But with Chris, it was very much personality-driven, and that makes it even better. Now we’re in between friends with benefits and casually dating. The lines are blurred, but it’s comfortable. The focus isn’t on the physical. We honestly enjoy each other’s company and get along like really great friends. He’s hilarious and smart and compassionate. Our conversations are equal. We laugh a lot. Even if things don’t progress towards a relationship, I know (and this is going to sound naive) that we can still be friends. And that’s pretty nice.

Yesterday, I texted Chris asking if he was available this weekend. He replied asking what I was doing that night. I told him I was going to meet some friends for drinks at around 11, said it was very casual, and asked if he’d like to join. He then asked if I’d like to come see a play he was going to earlier. There was enough time to do both and this was a play I had been wanting to see, so I said yes. It sounded like he had possibly invited a bunch of people to come, so I assumed it was casual and not to expect anything from it. Still, I did my makeup (even though I wore a tshirt and jeans) because I’d be driving from the play straight to the bar.

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I intentionally chose to stay away from this blog around Valentine’s Day for two reasons.

1. I didn’t want to risk feeding into the expected actions of crying and eating ice cream while watching my favorite romance movie alone by addressing my mindset on Valentine’s Day
2. I didn’t want to influence others into feeling low on an already difficult day.

I figured that if I ignored the fact that I run a relationships blog on the day

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When I was in school, I used to blush really hard whenever I raised my hand and the teacher called on me. My face would fill with blood. My ears would burn and my heart would beat so fast, it felt like the world was spinning. In middle school, we had to choose between playing an instrument or performing in chorus. Only the bravest joined chorus, so naturally, I picked an instrument. Our teacher would go one at a time to help us tune and every time it was my turn, my hands would sweat and my face would turn deep red. I was overcome with anxiety and my hands would shake afterwards. This continued throughout school.

My first year in college was no different. The second year, about the same. I became involved in extracurriculars which required me to find the will to speak over someone to give my input or to provide nothing useful in meetings. It was, in a way, natural selection. Going into meetings with people who naturally feel like their opinion is fact and having to fight to speak even a single sentence forced me to become more comfortable with speaking up. As time passed, I slowly found my voice. I was always outgoing and extroverted with friends or family, but it took me more than twenty years to be able to replicate that in class or professional environments.

I was talking with someone the other day when

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Update on top 40/rap/country guy!

Basically my entire conversation with him was through my friend. I had her tell him that I didn’t feel interested. She said it felt like she was breaking up with him, felt sorry for him (which I told her she shouldn’t because it’s not her fault that he’s boring?), and then said “omg he’s not giving up.”

Alright, you don’t want to give up because you think I’ve judged you unfairly on a handful of questions that have proven to be actually fairly effective in showing me someone’s personality? Fine. I’ll bite.

I was just about to ask my friend for his number when my phone froze and shut down. If this isn’t a sign, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.

Still, I feel bad that he felt so judged so quickly. So I asked my friend for his number anyway. He wants a chance to show me that he’s not the generic guy his movie and music choices say he is. He said that being asked his top five favorite movies is the hardest thing he’s ever been asked. I said I one day decided to figure out what my favorite movies are just because it’s such a hard question to answer. He said “You must be very opinionated then :)” and, stifling the urge to slap him via text, and told him that no, I just like efficiency. Which is true. There’s nothing about how I operate that is anything besides efficient. I like figuring out how to make things work in new ways. I’ll tape things or take things apart and use the parts for other things. I’ll take old things and find ways to make them new. I’ll look at broken, slow methods of operating and rework them in my brain. I’m a born problem solver. I don’t see how that makes me opinionated.

Now I’m basically fighting every urge to not want to talk to this guy because it will make my friend happy. This isn’t exactly anti-Rules territory, I know. But I want my friend to know that she tried and that it just didn’t work out (instead of the reality which is I honestly am not interested in this guy whatsoever and I knew that from the start).

Everything is pushing me in the opposite direction of this guy, but guilt is pushing me to give him a chance. Maybe there’s something to be said about that.

I have a guy friend who’s about 25. Nothing romantic between us, of course. But he was talking to me about this girl he met when he went to Las Vegas a few months ago. They had been texting and video chatting and all that stuff every day since then (she lives on the other side of the country). Apparently she’s ridiculously wealthy (her brother and dad own their own private jets). Anyway, from what he told me before he mentioned how rich she is, it sounds like she was just the kind of girl who laughed at all of his jokes and thought he was the coolest guy ever. It doesn’t hurt that she’s gorgeous. So at this point, I had surmised that he liked her because she made him feel like a king, even though their lifestyles and opinions about politics, economics, and same sex marriage are completely different. Then he mentioned that she was obscenely wealthy and I could see that that was probably a huge factor in why he was able to ignore how different their morals are.

He said in passing, “I’m 25, you know? So I don’t really have a lot of time to just date around and do whatever.” This really shook me because if he’s 25 and already feeling the pressure to settle down, what’s that mean for people who are 28? Or 30? Or 35? Are these people behind? Has their opportunity already passed them by?

I could see his plan unfold in my mind. In a relationship at 25. She moves here by the time he’s 26. They get a place together and settle in. They’re seriously committed by the time he’s 27. He proposes then or when he’s 28. A year of wedding planning and poof! Married before 30. And maybe even a kid by the time he’s 30.

Women always talk about having timelines like this, but a man? That’s a new one to me. Especially one so…sudden. It could just be that he was high on the honeymoon phase of their budding long distance relationship or that he really means it, but it still stayed with me.

By the time he’s 25, he’s already over dating and all that stuff and just wants to find someone to marry. But look at everything he’s risking for that. Is sticking to a timeline worth giving up years of your life for something that doesn’t seem like it’s going to work out?

Let’s discuss. What do you think?

My friend texted me yesterday asking if I was interested in dating someone. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for entering the world of Being Set Up For Dates By Friends Who Pity You. I said yes and then asked for a photo.

He’s not my type. I would describe him physically but that could potentially serve as a tell for reasons I can’t explain because that would also serve as a tell. Let’s just pretend that he’s…Hispanic. And then let’s pretend that my ex was also Hispanic. This is going to sound racist if I don’t preface it properly, so understand that this isn’t about race. Of the people I’ve met who were of the same “type” as this guy, there seems to be a pattern of disconnect. Something just doesn’t translate between me and “Hispanic” guys. Like they were raised and learned differently and my logic doesn’t mesh with theirs. Plus I’m not physically attracted to “Hispanic” guys. Hopefully by now you’ve gathered that “Hispanic” is just a title substitute and not to be taken literally so I can stop using quotes. Yes? Okay.

My ex was Hispanic. Given that I’m not attracted to that type of person physically, I wanted to open myself up to new opportunities. But I found more frequently that something about him didn’t seem to click. There was a missing puzzle piece that was partially attributed to his individual personality and intelligence and partially to his upbringing. I didn’t want to make generalizations, but the more people I met with his cultural background, the more I found that missing piece carrying over throughout. Like a string connecting all of them and repelling me. But with this guy my friend texted me about? I still don’t want to reject him just because he’s not my “type.”

So you have a type. Does that mean that anyone who isn’t in that type should be slighted just because you have a type? I don’t think so. I think if you want to see where things go, or if you’re limited on options within your type, you should be open to potentially falling in love with someone who isn’t your type. Because what if your soulmate (assuming that such a thing exists) is the complete opposite of what you’ve constructed in your imagination to be of your ideal man/woman? It’d be unfair to the other person interested in you and unfair to yourself to let that opportunity pass by.

Anyway, I asked for a picture. And I couldn’t help but laugh because it was such a vain, hipstery photo. Then I asked her to ask him about his favorite music, movies, and sports. These are three questions I ask of all potential suitors. Regardless of whether his music or movie or sports tastes mesh with mine, I want to know what they are because they give you an idea of the person.

If someone listens to top 40, it suggests that they’re the type who doesn’t mind following the herd. If they listen to bands you’ve never heard of - that no one has ever heard of, it could mean that they unknowingly try extra hard to be seen as a rebel. Someone who doesn’t need mainstream culture and who detests its existence. Neither of these people attract me. If someone’s favorite movies are all ones I’ve never heard of, I don’t necessarily judge them because I don’t watch a lot of movies. But if one of those favorite films is from the last three years? I have to assume that they have difficulty making decisions or are easily swayed or simply can’t commit to becoming a die hard fan of a film or film franchise. If someone says their favorite movie is from more than a decade ago, I can’t help but assume that they can stick with things or potentially have issues with change. Either way, I find that I’m more interested in someone whose favorite movies are from before 2010 and whose favorite music isn’t some super underground or specific thing like Soft-Grunge-Emo-Wiccan-Metal-Punk ballads.

I ask about sports because there are certain sports that I simply cannot understand liking. Like baseball. I know some of you LOVE baseball, but I don’t understand why. It makes me sleepy to watch and there’s just very little that’s interesting about it to me. Someone who lives in Southern California and likes basketball is most likely a bandwagoner and their favorite team is the Lakers just because it’s a home team. These people I’m not interested in because if they’ll bandwagon sports, they’ll likely bandwagon just about anything that becomes popular.

Now after all this build up, you’re probably really interested to know what he said about music and movies, right?

His music choices are:

• Rap
• R&B
• Country
• Top 40
• “Pop rock stuff” (I think this is called alternative?)
• Jazz

His top five films are:

• The Notebook
• 1408
• Young Adult
• Nightmare On Elm Street
• The Matrix

He didn’t list sports.

Now, just how does one person like jazz but also like top 40? And how does one person like rap AND country? I didn’t know that that was possible. Considering what I previously said about top 40 listeners, I think you might know where I’m going with this.

As for films? Young Adult was filmed in 2011. It was alright, but hardly something I’d put in my top favorite films of all time. I don’t exactly understand how to feel about people who say The Matrix is one of their most favorite films. And a guy saying his favorite film is The Notebook? He’s either a huge pussy (sorry) or is trying to look like he’s capable of having emotions. I’ve never even heard of 1408 but can we just talk about how his favorite types of music are country and rap?

After I relayed my music preferences and favorite films through my friend, she said “I like your choices better.”

To which I replied, “I’m interesting. That’s why.”

More as this story continues, but I really hope it doesn’t.

This post contains reference to sex, some vulgarity, and I strongly recommend any followers who are easily persuaded into trying things they shouldn’t (or who are under the age of 18 (ergo why I said NSFK, as in “not safe for kids”)) should kindly ignore this post.

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I messaged TOTGA(the one that got away)’s best friend on facebook for irrelevant reasons. After some chatting, I worked up the courage to ask him if he knew what caused TOTGA to act as he did. He explained that he isn’t good at opening himself up to new friendships and that I never came up in conversation so it wasn’t a big deal to him. I told him that I naturally need definitive explanations for things so TOTGA’s untimely decision to completely cease all communication without a clear reason irked me. We continued talking, and I felt that even though his explanation and my reaction didn’t quite match up, I felt closure.

See, TOTGA wasn’t someone that I fell madly in love with and he disappeared from my life. He was someone who confused me. I couldn’t read him like I can read other people, so when things just stopped, thousands of questions flooded my mind. I combed over things said or done. I made myself regret tiny things that could have potentially resulted in a different end point. But one thing remained: confidence or not, the easy answer that he liked me but I shot him down didn’t seem to fit. I wanted to ask him so badly what was going on inside his head, but I knew he would never tell me. I didn’t have all of the answers, and that’s how he became the one that got away. He was the one who made me question everything but with no hints pointing to what answer I was trying to rationalize.

He made me question how well I knew people and how well I knew myself. I bought The Rules because of him. So even though the questions have all been answered and he’s not TOTGA anymore, I feel like he still deserves that title because of the small thing he did that acted as a catalyst in my writing and in my desire for learning and understanding people.

Oh, I should also mention that his BFF is cute with a million miles more personality than him, with similar tastes and sense of humor as me. After talking about TOTGA, we ventured off into a hilarious conversation that could only be described as wildly absurd and entertaining. And then he gave me his number, prompting the clenched-fist-towards-body movement that I haven’t figured out a name for.

What’s that called, by the way?

My friend is currently having boy troubles. While I could get into the details of these problems, they’re too insignificant for anyone to want to read. Briefly: she broke up with him six months ago but they got back together. Then recently (as in two days ago), he broke up with her.

To cheer her up, our friend and I hung out with her two nights in a row. She talked about the types of things he would do and the things she would say, and it amazed me. At every point, I couldn’t see fault in what he’d done, but I could see that she severely overreacted to everything. One of the less severe examples is when she said “He said he’d call me this morning but didn’t. And I called him five times and texted him ten times and he still hasn’t contacted me. Isn’t that messed up?”

No, love. It’s not messed up. The more she spoke, the more I had to fake understanding and agreeing. I did the usual petty insults like “He wears stupid shoes, anyway” to get her to relax and agree that he wasn’t worth her time, if only for the selfish reason that I didn’t want to spend any more time trying to console someone who was the crazy one in the relationship. I can’t tell you you’re right if you’re wrong. But I also can’t risk an emotional woman hating me because I wasn’t siding with her.

He had to fly somewhere and LAX (our airport) was one of the connecting flights. Apparently he checked in on Facebook and I’ve since been receiving dozens of texts from my friend and our mutual friend since then (group messages have no reason for existing). She says it’s messed up that he didn’t tell her. She sent us screenshots of the conversation. It went something like this:

Him: Waiting for my plane.
Her: Oh that sucks. What airport are you at?
Him: LA
Her: What???? We’re 20 minutes away from each other right now??
Him: I guess? THe plane had a radio malfunction so they’re replacing it.
Her: You didn’t even tell me? We could have possibly met up.
Him: How? This airport is so big and I don’t want to walk far from my terminal
Her: I could have parked near the terminal of course. I’ve always told you to stop in LAX and you finally did but didn’t tell me.

Now, where in that conversation do you see a guy at fault? He didn’t tell a girl he broke up with two days ago that he was going to be stuck in a terminal of the airport that just so happens to be in her neighborhood? She’s freaking out because that’s five minutes they could have - potentially, maybe - spent together before he got on another plane. She’s acting like this is some huge betrayal, and I really don’t know how to tell her that she’s seriously overreacting and that he’s not at fault.

All I can say is this: If ever you’re in a relationship or get upset at the other person you want to date/were dating/whatever, assume that you’re the one being crazy and work as hard as you can not to justify your actions, but to act rationally. It will save your friends a world of trouble. Because sometimes, yes, those jeans do make your butt look fat.

I put NSFW because I’m not entirely sure if what I’m about to talk about is appropriate for all audiences. So, if you’re young and impressionable, I suggest that you not use this post as a guide for how to act while on a date.

I met Adam at a party about a month and a half ago. We exchanged numbers and, well, the whole background story is in previous posts (clicking the “Adam” tag on my profile will take you to all of the posts regarding him). Anyway, after giving up on The Rules, I texted him asking him to hang out. We decided to see Skyfall. One thing you must know about me is that I am considerate through and through. I won’t take a guy to see Perks of Being a Wallflower or Twilight just because they’re things I want to see because I know that they’re (probably) not things he wants to see. I can enjoy a well-done action movie just as much as I can enjoy a well-done movie about anything (Twilight is not what I consider “well-done” for those of you wondering).

What I failed to notice while making plans was that Skyfall is a very long movie (2 hours and 23 minutes, to be exact). Considering that most movies nowadays run around an hour and a half to 45 minutes, this complicates things. See, people become accustomed to sitting in a theatre for a certain period of time. Going over that time is just asking them to check their phones or get up to use the bathroom (which is why Titanic had so many people talking and was released on not one, but two VHS tapes). However, I’m one of the few who are capable of not looking at a phone to check the time or to respond to a text for however long is necessary. You bought a ticket for a film - why do you need to check the time? Do you have a deadline that must be met? If so, why did you plan to see a movie knowing that you’d be infringing on that timeline? You know that you’re going to be spending a few hours watching a movie, so keep your phone in your pocket and enjoy the film.

As if it needs to be said, don’t check your phone while you’re on a date. That says you’re bored or incapable of being entertained - hinting at being high maintenance. And definitely, never ever text another guy (or girl) while you’re on a date. And ABSOLUTELY don’t leave the theatre because a phone number not saved in your contacts called you and it’s 10:30pm on a Thursday night and you should call them back.

Guess what Adam did?

With forty-five minutes remaining in the film, he checked his phone “to look at the time.” And then, less than a minute later, checked his phone again to text a girl. And then checked his missed calls. And then left the theatre to make a call. And the brightness on his phone was all the way up.

I found this incredibly rude, but that doesn’t mean it was going to ruin my night. No, that simply means he’s not getting a second date with me unless he puts in some effort to show he cares.

After the film, we went to grab some food. I hadn’t eaten dinner and we were both feeling a little hungry, so we stopped at a nearby fast food place to share some fries.

Now, you’ll all probably judge me for this, so I feel I should preface it with the following: I don’t get a lot of opportunities to be physical. Part of me feels it’s important to stay ‘brushed up,’ if you will, and another part feels that it’s important to fill up the tank at the nearest gas station because you don’t know when you’ll see another gas station again. To translate, I flirted enough for him to kiss me. And it wasn’t a Rules kiss, either. Oh no, there was quite a bit more than casual kissing on this first date. After eating, we stood next to his car and pressed our faces against one another’s for about ten minutes. And then we got inside his car and we fooled around. It started with my hand on his pants, and then my hand in his pants, and then my mouth on his…

So we did that for awhile and I worried he was nearing completion. Not wanting to embarrass myself by explaining that I’m not well-practiced enough to not heave up my food after swallowing his youknowwhat…and feeling like he didn’t exactly deserve that kind of happy ending after how rude he’d been to me, I found myself in a bit of a predicament.

How do I get out of this without embarrassing myself?

Fortunately, a janitor for the fast food place we’d just been at had parked next to us before we arrived and conveniently happened to walk back to his car for something just as this predicament came to a head (pun). I feigned fear that this person would see us and that we should stop, and Adam reluctantly agreed to humor my ‘fears.’

In laymen’s terms, I blue balled him. And looking back, I kind of feel that it was called for because of his inconsiderate choices to chat with another girl while watching a movie with me.

And yet, through all of this, he texted me today to wish me a happy thanksgiving and texted me earlier in the week to ask me how things are.

Not entirely certain what that says about him, or if it speaks more on the effectiveness of my decision to do as I please without The Rules, but it’s interesting to say the least.

Now that I’m doing the “anti-Rules,” that means there’s going to be a new list of guys, listed under the current “Rules men.”

This is what’s happened:

I’ve been talking to Henry for awhile, as stated previously. And I finally decided to just ask him to hang out. So, he’s going to be the first guy of the “anti-Rules men.” We’re both fairly busy this week, but I put it out there and I anticipate we’ll hang out over the weekend or sometime next week. If not, he’s done.

Next comes Adam, who I met at a party a few months ago. We had a mild hookup and exchanged numbers, but he was pretty drunk so I was certain he didn’t remember what I look like. We saw each other again a few nights ago and he was more attractive than I remembered. I blushed and didn’t have the strength to talk to him. We texted for a few days after the party and then my phone did something strange and deleted contact names, but not their numbers. He was one of those, so I texted him asking who he was. And then we started talking again. I asked him out. We’re hanging out tonight after I finish work. He’s a character that you will want to pay attention to. He’s very handsome and that’s why I was embarrassed for him to see me again. The fact that I worked up the courage to ask him is a testament of my willingness to believe in myself. Before, I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of any guy liking me. So now I’m boosting myself up and telling myself that my looks aren’t permanent and they aren’t my only facet. I was surprised that he accepted to go out, but I’m learning to give myself some credit. Obviously if he wasn’t interested in something, he wouldn’t be talking to me, right?

And then there’s Brian. Brian and I met through a mutual friend. He’s not my type (he’s a fair bit older than me), but he seems like a cool guy and if I simply can’t see anything between us, we could easily become good friends. I asked him out, too. We’re hanging out sometime this weekend, I think, though the day and plans aren’t set yet.

It’s been six months since I started this journey, and I don’t have anything to show for it. I’ve met guys who seemed great only to find they had pretty big problems, guys who stopped talking to me for no known reason, guys who were too clingy, and, most importantly, guys who don’t fit into The Rules.

What does someone do when their project isn’t working out? They scrap it and start fresh. They re-imagine their idea from a different perspective. They examine the flaws, and figure out how to fix them.

And that’s what I’m doing. Now, for the next six months, I’ll be doing the opposite of The Rules. I mean, I’ll still be showering and trying to look nice and work on boosting my self-esteem (because a Rules girl is more than looking well put together). If I like a guy, I’ll ask him to hang out. I’m taking myself out of the passenger seat and making myself the driver. Instead of talking to a guy and frustratingly waiting for him to ask me out, I’m making the first moves. Want to hang out? Yes? See you there. Instead of stifling my sarcasm and wit so as not to intimidate, I’m letting it loose. Don’t like it? Move on. I’m weeding out the good from the bad and growing at a much faster pace.

Granted, I don’t exactly have a lot of guys to weed out from, but there are a few who talk to me (I’ll go into details later) so I’m making the first move. This is exactly opposite of what The Rules suggests - let him come to you, let him show you he’s interested, etc. And I’m doing away with them.

Why?

Because there’s really nothing interesting about not texting first and the guy just giving up. Nothing exciting about accepting to go on a date with someone I’m not interested in. Nothing for me to learn from.

Instead, I’m becoming confident in myself. I’m telling myself that I can get any guy I want and, while I don’t believe this, feigning confidence eventually leads to actual confidence. I’m taking control. Deciding that if I’m interested, I’m going to go for it instead of sitting around wondering. I’ve stopped caring about the fragile dynamic of pre-dating interaction. I’m not going to read into a guy’s lack of communication as a sign that he’s not interested. I’m going to put myself out there, guns blazing. And the best part?

I have no idea what’s going to happen.

Previously, I had a plan. Things were logical and lined up neatly. Now, tomorrow is anyone’s guess. And even if this fails miserably, at least it’ll be something new to write about. I hope you all buckle your seat belts and join me for what’s promising to be an unexpected and wild ride.

Special thanks to Suiz for making this fantastic photo!